Further illness updates

Hello my lovely readers.

So here's the scoop.

After vomiting two days ago and spending all day yesterday sick in bed, I woke up this morning with rather severe stomach pain and went to the emergency room. I wasn't given a very solid diagnosis, but we've ruled out anything major and the doctor thinks it's stomach inflammation and irritation. Either way, I've been given a few meds, but not much has changed. My stomach still hurts.

The thing is, being homesick is very, very unusual for me. I suffered from a bit of it on a recent trip to Greece (though many of you know that I was quite sick on that trip, too), but at the age of 17 I was in France for a month and experienced maybe one afternoon of homesickness when I'd been there two weeks.

With this in mind, I have conferred endlessly with my loving parents and many others and we have come to the conclusion that I was sick (or getting sick) before I even came, and that's what's making me so miserable.

As a result, I'm going to see how I feel in a day or two, but if I'm not better, I'm just going to stick it out until the end of the Parliament (Wednesday), then take a train up to Sydney and fly home. To be honest, I've pretty much made up my mind that I'm coming home. I have no desire to be here anymore and I want nothing more than to be back in Plymouth. I will stay until the Parliament is over, but I have no real motive to stay anymore. I feel too rotten. There's clearly something wrong with my body and I have no choice but to listen to it.

Now that I'm thinking back on it, I have had stomach issues for the whole week that I've been here. I had trouble eating even in the L.A. airport, and that was before I even made it out of the country. Most foods other than crackers, juice, and bananas make me want to regurgitate them before they've even crossed my lips. Every time I've been made to feel better by talking to my mom or my dad or my boyfriend, I relapse into being upset because my stomach acts up again. There is clearly something more than homesickness going on here.

This trip has been, in a word, miserable. The few times I've enjoyed myself are massively outweighed by the times I've spent crying, trying to resist crying, and feeling absolutely dreadful. If I'm going to feel sick, I might as well feel sick at home where my mommy and daddy can help me.

The one thing that weighs on my mind is the feeling that this whole trip has been a waste. The planning, the money, and the excitement have all been for naught. If I go home, I'm throwing it down the drain. But would it not be equally wasteful to spend another ten days here instead, feeling absolutely wretched and wishing I was home?

It is not, as I'm trying to convince myself, a true waste. I still can experience the Parliament. I still have explored another part of the world. I still have seen a kangaroo, a koala, a platypus, and an echidna up close. I can still do my Civitas project, which is the real reason I'm here. I went and spoke again with one of the women from the Listening Room and she discussed these things with me and made me feel at peace about them. But there's one more thing.

I want to ask a favor of you.

When I come home, I really don't want to have to deal with people giving me grief for coming home early. This is my decision, one that I've made with the help of those around me, and it is not a decision that will impact the well-being of anyone at home. I will happily discuss my experiences at the Parliament and in the city of Melbourne with you, but I don't want to be scolded for my choices. If you want to think I'm a spineless coward, feel free to do so. But please, keep it to yourself. I don't want to hear it. This is all I ask of you.

Sorry for the tirade, and thank you for reading. I will continue to update.

Much love,

Maggie